Those Words given by A Dad That Helped Us as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was simply just surviving for the first year."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey expected to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly turned out to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good place. You require some help. What can I do to help you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more comfortable talking about the strain on mothers and about PND, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he explains.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, explains men often don't want to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can believe they are "not the right person to be requesting help" - especially in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is just as important to the household.

Ryan's chat with his dad offered him the space to ask for a pause - taking a short trip abroad, away from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings alongside the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the language of feelings and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, profound trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions caused him to make "poor actions" when younger to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You turn to things that aren't helpful," he says. "They might temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - when you are swamped, speak to a friend, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. This can to ease the pressure and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all contribute in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men because they faced their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I wrote, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding just as much as you are in this journey."